There is something in your voice,
It trembles as you speak.
It catches my breath,
Forcefully taking my voice.
I’m left feeling bare,
With these tears I held back in.

Papa’s hands are always so big,
with faded prints and peeling skin.
Broken nails with dirt and grime,
Freckles dotted up the sleeves.
Don’t forget the sunburn on your neck.
Especially after you worked your back.

Always intrigued by your ears,
We call them the Buddha’s lobe.
But what fears me the most,
Is if I gaze too far and too long.

Not far away is your fearsome eyes,
Which appeared as deep as the bottomless ocean.
Your lids sags down full of wisdom,
But it wanders far… into the abyss of the past.
You have worked hard for us,
But you haven’t for yourself.
I could tell by your eyes that your soul is still sailing,
In a dream you could only dream but not live.

I held your hands tightly, unable to say a word.
But all I really want to say is “Papa close your eyes.”
You deserve a rest, a nap, a sleep, a snore.
For your body has given so much… I’m afraid it won’t take more.

May be an image of 1 person, baby and indoor

Since my last update, Chinese new year has literally came and gone by, I have failed and passed my driving theory test, had my doctors messed up with my medication, lost my phone and got a new one, and last but not least, lost my entire savings to my new-used-car.

First thing first, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°. This is the time of celebration, reunions and appreciation! Another year has gone by and COVID is unfortunately still here?! (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞!!! Unfortunately due to personal circumstances we couldn’t travel back home for Chinese New Year; so the ‘reunion’ part of it is really bummed. At this rate Mr. Monday and Lil’ Tuesday are gonna be complete white-washed half-baked Asians (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू).

I had the entire house cleaned out for CNY but it took only 2 days for the entire house to be turned upside down, infinite amount of laundry needed folding in the basket ╥﹏╥. Unfortunately I wasn’t aware that my medication doses were unintentionally lowered by my doctors— but all is well! It was picked up before I spiral back to where I started. But gosh, I was wondering why I constantly feel so tired, and everything around me felt so slow…. and…. a few of my plants actually died because I just had no energy to care ╥﹏╥….

Continue reading “Chinese New Year 2022!”

Mr. Monday started having seriously high fever on Sunday night. Mojuju nursed him throughout the night but his fever did not go down.

“He’s roasting like a pig!” Mojuju tried to dress him to nursery. “I don’t think he can go nursery like this.”

“I don’t wanna go school,” Mr. Monday was whining half asleep.

So for the past 2 days he has been at home with me. His fever was manageable on calpol and neurofen and he ate all his meals too. On Monday night I checked him for Kawasaki signs (more info here) , which reassured us as we went to bed. I was however increasingly concerned about his flushed face. It wasn’t just the red cheeks that bothered me, there was something odd about his appearance which now I realise; his entire face was red except around his lips!

As if one sick child wasn’t enough, Lil’ Tuesday started to have chicken pox symptoms on the day itself

Tuesday (the day, not the baby lol) was brutal. Mr. Monday was having high fever all day, while Lil’ Tuesday’s chicken pox was full blown. Poor girl had fluid filled rashes (like really full of water) all over her body AND genitals, AND FACE, AND LIMBS. She’s only 4 months and doesn’t know what itch means, or what scratching is. She was generally irritable, uncomfortable, wouldn’t settle.

At this point I felt like my hair was going to fall out.

Then at night (Tuesday night), Mojuju brought Mr. Monday to me and told me he was complaining of anal pain. This is a red herring, he has an anal fissure because he wipes his ass so clean that even his skin came off lol. While examining his butt and putting barrier cream for Monday, I felt the skin of his belly and back, then told him to show me his tongue. His tongue which had a thick white covering in the morning, is now fully red with small red bumps. Strawberry tongue, I thought to myself. I ran my hand up and down his back again. Sandpaper rash…exactly the same as the boy I once seen in my paediatric posting. I’ve only felt it once, but I could never forget the sensation of such tough skin texture.

“His fever is not going down even with neurofen,” Mojuju exclaimed.

“He has strawberry tongue and his skin feels like sandpaper,” I told him.

“What does that mean?” 

“I think he has scarlet fever. If he does, he needs antibiotics as soon as possible before he goes septic since it’s been 2 days. If it’s not scarlet fever, I’m scared that it could be kawasaki”.

“So I’ll bring him to A&E now—“

“But the skins on his hands aren’t peeling so I don’t think it’s Kawasa–”
Mr. Monday cried in the midst of our discussion, “I want to see doctor!”

So off Mr. Monday went with Mojuju to the paediatric hospital while I stayed home with Lil’ Tuesday who was struggling with chicken pox. It was 8 hours wait, they came home at 6.30 A.M.. Mojuju was furious. It appears Mr. Monday was triaged as viral fever and they had put him at the bottom of the list. Even children that came hours after Monday was seen earlier. I was just relieved that Monday was seen, and that he did not need any hospitalisation.

“I told them, ‘look, it’s either scarlet fever, or Kawasaki, choose one quick’,” Mojuju explained. His eyes were weary from being awake all night.
“So what was it?”

“It was scarlet fever. Monday got some antibiotics now”

Continue reading “Mr. Monday infected by Group A Strep aka Scarlet Fever!!! Then Lil’ Tuesday…”

Kawasaki Disease is a serious illness usually found in children under the age of 5

As per NHS website;

A child with Kawasaki disease has a high temperature that lasts for 5 days or longer, and possibly 1 or more of the following symptoms:

  • a rash
  • swollen glands in the neck
  • dry, red cracked lips
  • a swollen, bumpy, red tongue (“strawberry tongue”)
  • red inside the mouth and at the back of the throat
  • swollen and red hands and feet
  • red eyes

Kawasaki Disease in Infants & Young Children - HealthyChildren.org

basically the child is RAGING RED; HOT, RED EVERYWHERE AND IRRITABLE!

Continue reading “Kawasaki Disease and what you need to know.”

Before I go any further, I’d like to thank everybody for the overwhelming support regarding my postnatal depression. Here’s some love for all of you  (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧!! I’m still recovering but I’m in a much better place now; thanks for asking! There are even some who reached out to me, just to let me know that I am not alone and shared their experiences with me too. ༼☯﹏☯༽. That is one of the most touching gesture, as I first handedly know just how difficult talking about them is. I think with that, I have achieved my aim of ‘breaking the taboo’ and raising awareness. Σ(-᷅_-᷄ ๑) Also if you messaged me and I did not reply this week, it’s because my phone is now with the insurance company after I cracked and broke the screen and backglass (talk about being unlucky (˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )). I’m so glad I actually signed up for house insurance because only recently Mr. Monday broke our 65″ TV with a yoyo and it was replaced by the insurance company. And now, my phone! The £250 I paid a year definitely paid off — ʱªʱªʱª(ᕑᗢूᓫ∗)

 

I’m quite reluctant to blog about this, it is actually the reason why I haven’t been updating my blog since the entry before last. But then again I thought, if I hide it (as I am doing), then I am quite a hypocrite for telling others to understand mental health issues and not look at it as a taboo. So here I am, a second post about my dumbass depression that I hate very much, and I also very much hate to talk about it.

 

 

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