Buddha always said nothing is permanent.
But no one ever taught us that when we were 7.
We ran through the yard.
Walked on the cold cemented floor.
Our lighthearted footsteps, trespassing the once booming palm tree farm.
Our laughters heard every Chinese New Year.
Sound of mahjong clicking at each other.
Image of grandma standing by the door frame.
The one who never stopped waving goodbye.

No longer our Kampung.
Today we truly learnt impermanence.
Like an empty river, without it’s soul.
Goodbye my hometown.
Goodbye our grandma.
All is forever etched in our memories.

佛陀常说世事无常。
但我们七岁的时候,却无人教过我们这一点。
我们在院子里奔跑。
走在冰冷的水泥地上。
我们轻快的脚步,闯入了曾经繁茂的棕榈树林。
每年新年,我们欢声笑语回荡。
麻将牌声清脆悦耳。
外婆站在门框旁的身影。
永远,永远挥手道别。

我们的家乡没了。
今天,我们真正体会到了无常。
如同干涸的河床,失去了灵魂。
再见,我的家乡。
再见,我们的婆婆。
一切都将永远铭刻在我们的记忆中。

You’re like a pot of rose.

Plagued with aphids and rust, needing care.

After all those careful watering, you grow thorns.

You prick me, hurting me; though never will I know if it’s intentional.

You see, I don’t speak plants, and it does not speak human.

Then at times you bloom with abundant of flowers, surrounding the atmosphere with your beautiful fragrance.

Then come me. I’m like a novice gardener, with first time with everything.

I overwatered, rotting your roots.

I had to unearthed you to fix the damage I’ve done, causing stress and stunted growth.

When life gets busy, I then forgot to water you.

Leaving you suffer in thirst, hampering your bloom.

But I love this pot of rose, and I’d like to think he loves me too.

No matter how prickly and temperamental, I still pray for it’s bloom.

No matter how much maintenance it needs, it is my pot of rose.

I’ll always be the gardener, and I have a tender rose I call mine.

It was a great weekend, one that I would miss.
Though what was ahead I could not have guessed,
The inevitable misfortune of the fortunate soul.
Against a battle that cannot be won, we have all been told.

As I walked in the air was heavy,
Silence was ringing, and the light felt hazy.
Where have he gone? We all asked what we knew.
Another farewell in the room; and it was from you.

You’re my first last goodbye, I have had many then.
I have held hands as they go, both women and men.
But all I could remember is you, for you are my first inevitable lost.
You might not remember me however, as the fairies were with you.

On good days you spoke to me, of your home you wish to see.
I sat and listen to your tales, feeling sorry that you can’t be.
On bad days you called the only name you knew,
But she is on another side, waiting for you.
I hope now you could be together again,
Or at least every now and then.

I’m sorry I wasn’t there, when you breathe your last breath.
Without a family left beside you, or even just a friend.
Was it frightening or liberating, I never cease to wonder.
To know there’s no one left behind, to neither mourn nor cry.

There is something in your voice,
It trembles as you speak.
It catches my breath,
Forcefully taking my voice.
I’m left feeling bare,
With these tears I held back in.

Papa’s hands are always so big,
with faded prints and peeling skin.
Broken nails with dirt and grime,
Freckles dotted up the sleeves.
Don’t forget the sunburn on your neck.
Especially after you worked your back.

Always intrigued by your ears,
We call them the Buddha’s lobe.
But what fears me the most,
Is if I gaze too far and too long.

Not far away is your fearsome eyes,
Which appeared as deep as the bottomless ocean.
Your lids sags down full of wisdom,
But it wanders far… into the abyss of the past.
You have worked hard for us,
But you haven’t for yourself.
I could tell by your eyes that your soul is still sailing,
In a dream you could only dream but not live.

I held your hands tightly, unable to say a word.
But all I really want to say is “Papa close your eyes.”
You deserve a rest, a nap, a sleep, a snore.
For your body has given so much… I’m afraid it won’t take more.

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