Category: Journal

I want to believe that I’m a good person. Someone who is kind, someone who is understanding. I know I’m anything but.

I am impatient, I am selfish, I am prone to anger. I have a victim mentality.

I try so hard, but no matter how hard I try, my parents would still say the same. Am I still the same person as before? Did I not even move an inch?

I want to be a good person too. A good mother, a good daughter, a good wife, a good neighbour.

Every villain believes they are good. And yet all I feel is all these filth in my heart.

I want to be good too. I really do.

I harvested tons of potatoes from our garden. Honestly, after much neglect I’m surprised theres so many of them 😂

I soaked them in hot water before air frying them. I mean, I was told I needed to deep dry them…. But I really didn’t want to 😱 all those wasted oil lol…

The results were great actually. The potato taste is so strong compared to frozen fries… I need to get used to it a bit. Taste very potatoey.. How do I even explain 😭😭

Well I guess we’ll be planting potatoes again next year! 😂

Ingredients:

Salt, sunflower oil, bunch of Italian herbs almost finishing so just throw all in. 🤣

Human

Posted 3 weeks ago by Princess Ichigo

We spent our entire lives wanting to understand others. The reason behind other’s actions, especially if it has brought hurt to us.

Many times, it is the person closest to us that hurt us the most, that we try to untangle their actions all our lives.

It becomes easier if you simply remember that they are just humans.

Humans are flawed, selfish, short sighted. Often times, even the best of all the humans run out of patience, kindness, and capacity to love.

The love of your life,

Families,

Friends,

Fathers,

And even mothers.

We are flawed beings. And that is what I’ve learnt recently. I can finally free myself from the ropes I tied my own heart with.

My baby sister is my first baby actually. I was technically a teenager when she was born.

I watched her grow up, rock her to sleep. Cooked meals for her when parents were working, and begrudgingly nagged her to shower everytime we’re on our own. I was her tooth fairy for so many years, because I wanted her to have a magical childhood as my Asian parents were too busy to make sure we’re fed and clothed.

When she came live with us 3 years ago, was the first time she left home. Although it was meant to be a temporary solution while she get posted all over the country, eventually we all got comfortable and she decided to travel even 4 hours to her placement.

She was so miserable living in Birmingham that she moved back to us 😂😂😂.

I’m not going to lie, I was so lonely before she came. Having her around made me so much happier. She helps out with the kids and the house all the time, and that made everything felt much more bearable.

Nothing beats coming home to cooked meals from work, not needing to look after the kids and cook at the same time 😭😭

I will always miss our kdrama binge nights.

She’s now going to start her independent life. She’s a full fledged adult now. She’s going to manage everything on her own. Our baby is no longer a baby.

I’m trying really hard not to show how sad I am, because I know I should be excited for her. In reality I will definite cry a river if I just let myself be. Don’t worry she doesn’t read this blog. None of my family members do 😂 including Mojuju.

Let her think I’m alright about it, because then she wouldn’t feel sad about leaving either. The worst thing will be both of us just crying at each other 😂😂😂😂😂

I thought it was normal to have deep talks with kids.

I told my friends how having 2 kids is probably the best balance, and that having one more will likely thin out my attention and either one child is going to be emotionally neglected or all of them are not going to get the best of me.

No I don’t think having more than 2 kids is wrong, I’m saying I can’t manage. I’m not that good of a parent lol…

I told them how I have time alone with both Monday and Tuesday and that Monday and I have deep talks at night. We talk about life in general.

Monday is a sensitive soul despite how stubborn and boyish he looks. A lot things can easily hurt him. He may act out but inside he’s just soft. So we have really deep talks – – – him telling me if he’s sad, and why he’s sad. Mainly he’s wrapping his head around death. We have pets that died you see. I think it’s really hard on a child. It’s hard on even me! So we work through thing.

“What if you die. What’s going to happen?”

“I wish people don’t have to die”

I tell him how I’ll always be with him even after life and always watch over him as a star. But mainly, I tell him I will try my very best not to die.

We hug and hold each other hand. I tell him how it’s alright to be afraid, but there’s a lot more in life than just death. But death is ultimately what makes life precious. Death gives our life meaning. And for me, the meaning of my life is him and Tuesday. If I’d never die, then what is precious to me now will not be as precious because it will never end.

We have such deep talks with him leading with topics all the time.

“mommy can I tell you something”

That sentence is one that I would miss… When he grows up.

My friends were shocked at how deep our conversation goes. I guess yes he’s only 7 or so. But he has a deep soul.

I’m sure Tuesday would too. And I want to be there to listen to her deep talks.

To be honest, I used to have thoughts like that when I was 8, but never knew who to speak to. Living as a middle class kid in a developing country mean that my parents are always working, always focused on how to feed me. It was all about survival. But now things are different. I want to be the want to listen to my kid’s concern about life in general.

Deep talks may never continue infinitely with Monday when he grows, but that is exactly why it is so precious.

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